If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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