You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
