There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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