biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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