smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
