I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
