every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
