I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
