This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
