That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
PANTIES FOUND
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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