would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
