You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize