she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
