my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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