Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
