he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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