Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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