I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
