if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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