if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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