these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
