Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
