hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
