would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
