i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
