i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
