but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
