I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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