i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
