NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
