Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
