wrigley field is MILF paradise
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
