How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
