Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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