Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
