I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
