***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
