It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
