Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
