ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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