dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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