So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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