after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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