The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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