the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
