I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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