Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
