I wish I could teleport
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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