Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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