I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
nutella sex= disaster
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
