I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
