you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
