Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We just shotgunned beers for America
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
