so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
