The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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