It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
