I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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