; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
