this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
even my farts smell like vagina
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
