He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the day after is always just damage control
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
