Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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