sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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