just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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