did you get engaged???
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
