Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
