You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
