somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
