the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
